Guilt and Shame (rape)
“ Don't go and hurt yourself, the person that did all of this to you, is the one to blame and not you, you have your whole life ahead of you and you can't ruin it because of some pyscho, that wants to do horrible things to you. Get help as soon as possible.”written by a 15 year old who went for counselling.
Why didn’t I stop the rape from happening?
Many people who have been raped feel ashamed that they let it happen. If you could have stopped yourself from being raped, you would have.
It is likely that the rapist was much stronger than you, and there would be no way that you could have fought him off. Perhaps he was threatening you with violence or even death, if you didn’t do what he wanted. In this situation, it would be impossible for you to stop what was happening.
Perhaps you weren’t threatened, but the rapist didn’t stop when you asked him to. In this situation, you were probably very distressed and shocked by what was happening. Such feelings can make it really difficult to react, and people who have been in this situation say they have felt ‘frozen’, and unable to move.
Was it my fault because of the way I was dressed?
No. Men who rape girls and women often say that the victim was “asking for it” because of the way they were dressed (e.g. short skirt, low-cut top etc.) This is an excuse they are using to try and blame their victim for what has happened, instead of taking responsibility for the crime they have committed. It doesn’t matter what you wear, nobody has the right to force you to have sexual intercourse.
Why do I feel so ashamed?
Most people who have been raped feel shame about it, which means that it can be really difficult for them to talk about. There are lots of reason why people who have been raped feel ashamed.
Many men who rape women try to make the victim feel like it is their fault, or that they have asked for it in some way (maybe by the way they look or dress – this is NEVER true).
Maybe you were really drunk when the rape happened, and feel like you didn’t take proper care of yourself. Although it is true that you are an easier target for a rapist when you have been drinking or taking drugs, it is important that you don’t blame yourself for what happened, as it is the fault of the rapist, not you.
Some people who have been raped say their bodies responded sexually during the attack, and feel terrible shame about this. The fact is that our body is made to respond to touch, even if we don’t want it to. It is something we have very little control over and if you felt your body respond in a sexual way, try and remember that this is a normal way for a body to respond and does not mean that you wanted the rape to happen.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU WERE RAPED
If you have anything you would like to know or discuss, please e-mail us. We will get back to you as soon as we can.
If you are under 18, and tell us that you ( or someone you know) are being or have been sexually abused or raped, we may have to share this information with Social Services, who will then help you get the support you need.