Vision

 


Confidential information for young people, parents, carers and friends

'if i have been groomed, but i really don't want to tell anyone what can i do?'

I think the fact that you have recognised that you have been groomed is a good place to start helping yourself. You could contact Childline on 0800 1111 and talk to them without giving your name, they may be able to help you decide what to do next. You could look up information on grooming online and see if you can get some help. You have been really brave making contact I hope that you get the support you need.

'My best friend went to her ex boyfriends last night hoping to get back together with him. when she got there her ex's cousin was there too, and they both took turns sleeping with her. My best friend was too afraid to say no because of the violent temper he had and the fact that there was two of them there. is this considered rape or the fact that she never said no make it not. She willingly had sex with her ex though but when it came to his cousin she tried to push him off her but it was no use . Her ex just sat her as this was going on. All i need to know is this considered rape and if so how should i urge my friend to get help and to tell her family. please help me.'


As far as your friend is concerned, it sounds from what you have said that she was raped. If she did not want to have sex and the man continued then this is rape. The most important thing is how you friend is feeling, if she could speak to someone about what happened this will hopefully help her. Your friend may be experiencing all kinds of feelings at the moment(or no feelings at all). She is lucky to have you as a friend and may not want to tell her family right now, if at all.She may want to tell the Police or may decide that she doesn't want to. If you can just be there for her for now then that is the best thing for her. If you or your friend would like to speak to someone call 01872 262100.Take care.

'I was sexualy abused from the age of 8 untill I was 12. My abuser was a man that was staying with my family. I am now 20 years old and have never told any body. If I was to talk to the police now, would they care? Could they do anything after such a long time?
Im tired of suffering alone.'

I think it may be a good idea if you do speak to the Police about your case, they will be able to give you a better idea as to whether they can do anything. I can only hope that they would care!Have you considered talking to someone such as a counsellor? If you have some counselling you can discuss with your counsellor the best way forward for you and you may not feel so alone. Take care.

'hi im 20 years old and was raped 4 years ago.my family know what happened but everyone thinks that i have forgotton about it but over the past year it always seems to be in my head.I rang the center and they said that there was a 4 month waiting list will they contact me when there is a space for me or do i have to phone again thank you'

I can only apologise to you for having to wait for counselling , someone will contact you as soon as a counsellor is available. In the meantime you can make contact by phone or e mail: help@crasac.co.uk if you so wish.

'Hi, I'm a 16 year male and two years ago I was villently raped by a stranger, I've only recantly told somone and that was a really close male freind of mine, I then saw the man who raped me for the 1st time since it happened at my local asda and he saw me and smiled, its really turned my life upside down, It's been keeping me up at night, when I do eventually get  to sleep I re live what happened and its making me angry with everyone, I've told my college tutor who has been really really usefull and nice to me as well as my freind and I've now got a councilla.

If I went to the police would they get hold of my perents? I've got a scare that he left would they need to see that? 
Thank you for helping me. '

If you went to the Police then your parents would need to know because you are under 18 . As for your scar, that would be up to you to share that information or not. It may be a good idea to discuss all of your thoughts and feelings with your counsellor and they will be able to help you decide what you want to do.I know it can be hard to talk about what happened and how you feel, but it will help you and hopefully help reduce your flashbacks and enable you to sleep.Some people keep things bottled up for many years, you have been really brave to tell someone and you will be able to work through this in your counselling and move on with your life.

'what do you do at the center. what happens if you cant talk about being raped.will the pain go away if i tried to get on with things because sometimes i have good days but then i will have a really bad week. i dont like the thought of having counsellings. is there anything else that i can do'

We offer face to face counselling at the Centre, we can also speak to people over the telephone if they prefer to begin with. Alternatively you could e -mail the Centre on help@crasac.co.uk and make contact that way first, which in time, may enable you to feel more comfortable to speak to someone.

'i was raped more than 3 years ago. i cant concentrate at work and people just think im being silly as in young. i tried councelling in the past but it was with a man and i ended up leaving.im having regular panic attacts and nightmares and dont no how 2 make it go away.

I am wondering if you had counselling again, but with a female counsellor, it sounds as if you are still having a difficult time and may benefit from talking it through and finding coping strategies for your panic attacks.

Question: 'i cant say the 4 letter word that happened to me. i was 16 when it happenrd and 4 years on im still hurting '


I am sorry you are still hurting and know that sometimes it can take a long time to feel better. If you would like to talk about how you feel please ring 01872 262100 on a Monday or Tuesday. Take care.

Question:'how can i contact you about counselling?"

If you would like counselling and you live in Cornwall call 01872 262100. If you live outside Cornwall we can help you locate a counsellor in your area.


  Question: "I am 27 and married.  My husband and I have never had sex as I am terrified of sex or intimacy. I suffered from physical abuse when growing up and think I may have suffered sexual abuse when I was very young, but I don't remember.  Would I remember if I was sexual abused and what can I do to help my husband and myself move forward?  Thanks.'

I think the answer to whether you may remember or not if you were sexually abused is one that cannot be predicted, you may or may not . This can be difficult to live with as you may have to accept that you may never know. Have you ever considered talking to someone such as a counsellor? If you did start speaking to someone about your abuse as a child you could explore the possibilities and hopefully gain a clearer understanding so that you can move forward.Another option if your husband agrees would be to go to "Relate" to see if you can have couple counselling. If you would like to talk this through please telephone 01872 262100. Take care .

Question:'I have been married for years but last night during a really bad argument my husband raped me. I don't know what to do or how to feel.'

If you would like to ring the Centre on 01872 262100 you can speak to a counsellor and talk things through with someone who will understand what you have been through. It is ok to remain anonymous if you so wish.


   Question:'I have been raped and abused by my father since I was a child.  I am older now and he is still raping me on a regular basis and I have just found out that I'm pregnant with his child. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I just want it all to be over.'

Is there anyone that you could/would talk to? I really do feel that you would benefit in speaking to someone to give you some support. You could ring us at the Centre on 01872 262100 and if you live in Cornwall we can arrange for you to see a counsellor, or you can just telephone us and remain anonymous if that helps you.

   Question: "I'm scared to tell my counsellor that I have been raped again recently. I'm worried that I'll be made to go to the police. I've tried to go to the police before but found the whole experience terrifying and humiliating and don't feel that I'm strong enough. Should I be honest or not?"

Your counsellor is not there to judge you, but to help you find ways of looking after yourself and keeping yourself safe. I don't know how old you are but if you are under 18 then your counsellor may have to share this information with the police or social services. If you are over 18 then it really is up to you whether you tell the police or not.

Question: "Do you help survivors who have had previous counselling? I have seen several counsellors all through my G.P but have never come to an actual survivors group."

Yes we do see people that have had previous counselling. We are due to begin a survivors group shortly if you are interested telephone 01872 262100.

 
  Question: 'I was sexually abused as a child by my father and his friends,then on later occasions by several other people.....i've also been raped and assaulted as an adult.I feel guilty,dirty.like there's something wrong with me.I've got a really good counsellor,but i feel guilty when i try to tell her stuff,i can't find the words...and then i feel so messed up afterwards.I feel ashamed for needing support,for not just being ok....even though i'm an adult now i feel like a little kid,scared and alone.Don't know how to make this better,i'm trying so hard but it hurts so much.'

I am so sorry that you are in such pain , it sounds as if you are really trying hard to work through your feelings which is bound to be painful after everything that has happened to you. Have you tried to talk to your counsellor about why you feel guilty when you tell her things? You also say that you feel ashamed for needing support , it is no crime to need help sometimes, especially when there are people like your counsellor who are there for you, to support you . The process of healing can take a long time but gradually the pain will get less and less , keep going and take care.

Question; 'What would happen to me if i was raped?"


All the information that you need should be on the visioncornwall website, if you cannot find what you are looking for then please write again.

Question ;"'how do you know if you have been raped when you have been under the influence of drugs or drink?"

I think the first thing to do if you are at all worried that you have been raped is to go to your doctor or the GUM clinic at Treliske.( 01872 255044)if you live in Cornwall.. If it has happened recently they may be able to do some tests for you. Also if there is a chance you could be pregnant then you need to talk to someone about that too. If you were under the influence of drugs and alcohol and you can't remember what happened then it might be hard to find out exactly what did happen. If you are worried and would like to talk to someone about some of your concerns then you could ring 01872 262100 or Childline 0800 1111. I hope you feel able to get some help. Take care

Question:'I was 15 when my sisters husband who was 22 or 23 started coming on to me I had a big crush on him and he kissed me and i kissed back I feel like he told lies to me about my sister and made me feel sorry for him, he told me things that made me feel good about myself, he had sex with me i did nothing the second time he did it i said no but i didn't fight back I hate to say this but at the time it felt good, but then it didn't I finally told my parents and my sister did not believe me and has not spoken to me since that was 11 years ago I feel like i was to blame but i was still a child and very easily influnced i feel like he took advantage of my innocents, but i dont know if I was raped, Please help me, Was it my fault or was I raped, I was always the bad child and my sister could do no wrong she is 5 years older had the good grades and looks i was jealous of her, but i feel so bad about everything now that I am an adult.'


The fact that you were only 15 and he was 22 means that according to the law you were raped.Even if you consented or didn't say No it is still rape.The fact that your sister did not believe you must have been very hard for you but perhaps she didn't want to believe you in order to protect her relationship.I am wondering if you would benefit from some counselling, you could either go to your GP and ask to see a counsellor or find a private one online.Or if you are in Cornwall phone 01872 262100.

Question :'im 15 and I really could do with some help/advice, im too scared to tell my mum because i think she will be ashamed of me. i dont want the police or social services involved because his family and mine are close!!'
If this is something that is happening to you now then you could try to tell someone you trust, is there a family friend or teacher that you could talk to? I understand that it is difficult to speak to your mum but if you are at risk of being harmed then there are ways in which people can help you.If you want to speak on the phone to a counsellor you could telephone 01872 262100 or phone Chidline on 0800 1111.If you don't give your name then you can talk through your situation and get some advice. I hope you get the help you need. Take care .

Question :'I havn't been raped, but sexually assulted. if I tell "you" do you still need to get Social Services involved? I'm really scared...!'
I understand that you are scared, you don't say how old you are. If you are under 16 then Social Services may have to be involved especially if you are still at risk of being harmed again. If you want to talk this through with someone you could ring ChildLine on 0800 1111 if you don't give them your name they can't tell anyone, but they can help you decide what to do.


I posted a message a while ago about being raped by more than one person and you said I could write again. I am eighteen now and I was raped by several men at the same time on several occasions. I see them all on a regular basis and I'm finding it really hard. I hate myself for letting it happen. How can I have been so stupid? I don't want anybody to know about it. I can't talk about it.
It is too humiliating. I'm scared.
I know you say you are scared and feel that it would be too humilitating to speak to someone but if you are in Cornwall you could contact us on 01872 262100. Our counsellors are all specially trained in these issues that you have suffered and would be able to listen and help you without judging you about what happened. You don't have to go into any details about what happened, you can say as little or as much as you like. The counsellor would concentrate on how you are feeling and help you work through your traumatic experience. I am concerned for you that you still have to see these people is there any way you could avoid this? Try and remember it was not your fault and that you can work through this if you want to with a counsellor. If you live outside Cornwall there are agencies like the Cornwall Rape And Sexual Abuse Centre all over England. If you do ring and you get an answerphone please just leave a name and number and someone will get back to you. If it all feels too hard then please feel free to keep writing to the message board.

My boyfriend was badly beaten & raped when he was in his late teens. I am one of only two people who know this. He has kept it inside for 10 years & lately has been trying to track this guy down. I am petrified about what might happen when he finds him. He's already been a victim once!
What can I do?
Do you think your boyfriend would talk to someone about what happened to him 10 years ago ? The fact that he wants to find the abuser now shows that he still has a lot of feelings about what happened. If he could manage to talk to a counsellor about how he feels, he then might choose to track the abuser down by going to the police. I know it is difficult for you, but it is good that he has told you. Other than try to get your boyfriend to speak to someone about it there is not much more you can do.

What should I do if I have been raped by more than one person? I must be really disgusting and hateful for more than one to do it. It must have been something I did and I will never forgive myself for that. I just want to disappear. No-one will believe me. How can I face seeing them again?
I am sorry that this has happened to you . I don't know how old you are and am unclear from your message if you were raped by more than one person at the same time or you have been raped several times on different occasions. Whatever way it was not your fault and it was nothing about you being a disgusting person. People rape people to gain power and control not because of something you did. Please try not to be too hard on yourself, you have gone through a very traumatic time and you need to be kind to yourself. As hard as it is, I would try and talk to someone you trust about what has happened. As far as having to face these people: if they are known to you then you must try and protect yourself either by telling someone or by avoiding places where you might see them. It is hard to give more advice at this stage without knowing your age and the situation. Please write again if you feel you cannot tell anyone yet. You have been really brave to make this contact.

Something is happening to me at home and I feel too scared to tell anyone. What can I do?
Try and think of someone that you can trust. This might be someone at school or a friend's mum, and tell them what is troubling you. If that feels too frightening, perhaps you could write it down in a letter and give it to someone. I know it is hard and it's really good that you have asked this question, but it sounds like you could do with some help. Be brave and speak out.

I got drunk on the weekend and I had sex with someone, but I don't really remember what happened.
I feel really bad and dirty. What should I do?
The first thing you need to do is go to a young people's clinic or your doctor and ask for some tests. There may be a chance that you are pregnant. They will also check you for sexually transmitted infections. The next thing to do is tell someone what happened, either your parents / doctor / friend and they can then get you some more help.

Is it only alcoholic drinks that can get spiked?
No, any drink can be spiked. In fact, the drugs that are used can be put into food or into cigarettes.