Boys are ‘supposed to be tough’
Many boys are brought-up to believe that:
- They shouldn’t cry.
- They shouldn’t show emotions – if they do, this is a sign of weakness.
- Only women show emotions and talk about their feelings.
Of course, boys have feelings just like girls do, it’s just that they are often taught to hold them in or ignore them. This can make it even more difficult for boys who have been raped to talk about it.
Additionally, boys often feel like they should be able to look after themselves, so when something awful like being raped happens, they may feel angry with themselves for being unable to stop it, and fear what others may think of them. As a result of such anger, guilt and shame, as they get older some boys may punish themselves with self-destructive behaviour, such as increased alcohol or drug use.
As they get older, boys may question if they are ‘a real man’ as a result of being raped. The fact is that any boy or man can be raped, no matter what their size or how strong they are. Also, many men who have been raped report that the shock and fear has ‘frozen’ them, making them unable to react to what is happening
All of these feelings combined often mean that boys who have been raped feel very isolated and alone.